Wut?

I’m pretty much just completely confused as to what is happening. With everything. Could this really be what moving on in life is really about? ….I’m so confused. Even though I probably shouldn’t be… I was warned. But I ignored that because I’m an idiot. Haaaa. It’s amazing when you realize that everything is your own fault and no one else’s. Wow.. I am so amazed at my ignorance.. I’m such a pathetic idiot. Seriously. I really am amazed at myself. Wow. How the heeeck can I sit here, I mean, how DID I actually sit here and try and blame or push the fault away from myself and onto other people? Sometimes I think I’m so caught up in myself, and at times fully KNOW and see that i am caught up in myself to think that life is about me. Ahaha and make certain excuses for myself.. So that I don’t have to face up to my own crap. Like. Why have I been this lazy? LITERALLY LAZY! With my school. With my health, with my family, with my social life, with my house, with my finances. With my spiritual life, with my general education? I don’t think I’ve ever been more disappointed in myself in my entire life. I’m so pathetic. Haha I don’t think I’ve accomplished one goal that I have set for myself, just me. Haha woooow. I can’t even.